Spoken Word

Where did it go wrong? Where did it begin?

I had no way to control it, I was forced into sin.

With the touch of a man my innocence was shaken,

I lost myself and a part of my identity was taken.

Who will love me now that I’m broken?

Who will hear my prayers left unspoken?

So I settled for her and what I thought was love,

An internal battle of constant push and shove.

Played the part to feel a part,

Living a scripted roll, neglecting the tug in my heart.

The emptiness grew deeper, so I numbed my reality,

Inebriated without limit permitting my own spiritual fatality.

Depression embraced me, suicidal thoughts my dear friend,

A life microscopically broken with no hope to mend.

Walking through the valley of the shadow of death,                       

So cold and isolated I would breathe and see my breath.

I’m sure you’ve heard and it must have been true,

I did filthy things I never thought I would do.

Vile places that my feet traveled,                                    

Walking in the flesh, my world came unraveled.

The events and changes,

How quickly life defiles the complacent and rearranges.

Rid myself of what held me in chains,

Visualize my potential and expand my view of range.

My eyes have been opened, I had closed them before,

I walk forward, not backwards… to the past close the door.

Thankful that reality slapped me in the face,

Give me a beat to lace,

With my words, my mind,

It’s been a long time…

Since I’ve had words like this that flow from the dome,

Eyes closed tight and through my thoughts I roam.

Drippin’ from my hands like paint, my expression,

Naked, I stand… exposed, my confession.

No mask this time, I strip from my disguise.

No lies. No compromise. Just me. I.

I don’t chase after perfection,

I just strive to erase any recollection of the previous me…

The mess I had created,

Omit from my being the deception on which my mind meditated.

Lukewarm grey is poison, matter of fact,

Give me white and give me black.

White to draw light and illuminate the shadows,

Black to the blind my vision to my defeated battles.

Dust myself off, grip tightly to what’s right,

Face the demon head on, eager and ready for the fight.

I have to have stability in a world so unstable,

Alone I’m incapable but He is more than able.

A choice I’ve made, things I must correct,

This chapter of my life is entitled “Reflect”.

The light shines on my face, I absorb it, let it penetrate,

Any good in me, I pray that it will resonate.

To all I encounter, to all that I meet,

My path is already established I just move my feet.

Knew better still do, I choose a different course for my steps,

Make better decisions daily, take advantage of my breaths.

What would they say if today were my last?

Life is only but a vapor, gone quickly too fast.

Telling the world of living transformation,

You have a choice, a chance for reconciliation.

I’m not proud of my past, but I boast in His power,

I take a stand, speak truth… I will shine in this hour.

Falling deeper in love with the one called Master,

Wash His feet with my tears, break open my box of alabaster.

Torn, no more I will prevail… set sail,

And find destiny in the plans He has for me.

My chains were heavy but greater is He,

The Chain Breaker indeed set me free.

Butterfly wings soaring high on winds of glory,

Victory and freedom are the result of my story.


One thought on “Spoken Word”

  1. Reblogged this on Apostolic Mommy & Wife! and commented:
    Be blessed by the poetry of Sis. Starla Montoya. Her testimony is reaching and blessing many. Keep her in your prayers and check out her blog. For those struggling with homosexuality, God can set free…He did it for her & can do it for you!

    Have a blessed weekend!
    -Apostolic Mommy & Wife


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